Since I've linked this blog to my 'professional page' about Getting Fit I've become hesitant about posting real venting. However, screw it... I'm human and right now.. about to lose my mind and could use all the support I can get, even if that support is simply being heard.
As many of you reading this blog know, I'm on Medicare because of my genetic blood disorder, sickle-beta thalessemia anemia. I had found my passion in life, teaching, and by no fault of my own (a fact that was hard for me to finally realize), my career was taken from me and I was forced onto disability.
Our so-called 'system' in this country is so backwards that...
.... 1) they make you wait TWO years after being medically forbidden from working and put on disability before they give you Medicare (health insurance). Mind the fact, I didn't stop being sick during those two years. So, instead of being able to receive any preventive care, I had to use the ER as my only source of medical care from basic infections to sickle cell vaso-occlusive crisis (which occur much more frequently when I don't receive preventive transfusions). These two, short, uncovered years, loaded me with overwhelming medical bills impossible to pay on my new salary (about 1/3 of what I was making teaching), completely demolishing any credit I had finally improved since my ex husband did his own demolishing upon his departure.
... 2) and, Medicare provides absolutely NO dental coverage!!
Reminder... Medicare is... the insurance for this nations sick and/or retired hard-working Americans...
Not ...Medicaid... the free insurance for all children, immigrants and basically anyone that chooses not to work, ever!
All that, basically old news but relevant to the upcoming complaint, said... I've also recently learned, the hard way, that my insufficient blood supply causes severe gum infections/swelling and rapid tooth decay. I traveled all the way to the University of Maryland Dental School (supposedly much cheaper than anywhere else) to receive an estimate of $17,000 to fix the damage done (again, by my disease and through no fault of my own other than not visiting a dentist in the past few years, as I have No dental insurance)!
As you can probably tell by now, I'm angry. Under the anger, I'm scared and so bewilderingly lost. I need to have my teeth fixed (fact), I'll never have 17k to spend on myself (fact), My credit is so f-ed up that no one would dare finance me that kind of money (fact).
On top of this cluster-fuck, also referred to as my unfortunate health circumstances, my ex husband does not pay child support. In fact, the last statement I received from Child Support Services, said he owed me $65,450 in back child support. Hmm... So, now it's one of those rare and ever-so-frustrating moments where I'm actually wishing that he was a normal, caring and responsible parent that helped with the care of his kids, thereby alleviating some of my financial troubles.
Well, he couldn't have picked a better time to start a new facebook page and attempt to contact me, setting me far-too-close to the freaking edge!!
One~ I know he has an upcoming court date and, like always, is contacting me so he can lie to a judge and convince them he is a good father. He plays this same game every 2 to 3 years when the court system finally catches up with him. He pays 50 to 100 bucks in small increments right before the 'show' for the judge. He walks into court, acts his ass off and the charges are dropped. He promises the judge to continue to pay (and never does)! Worse, when I let him, he'd also lie to the girls and promise to stay in touch, as well (which he also never did once the 'show' was over). We've all wised up and could care-less about seeing or talking to him. However....
Two~ Usually, I ignore these bi-yearly fake shows or the pocket change that comes in the mail. However, this time.... this fucking time... this guy's profile picture has him standing in front of palm trees, surrounded by Disney characters smiling and in his stupid fucking mouth, he has BRACES!! As in, "I owe you 65K which could easily fix your broken teeth AND send our kids to college, but instead I've bought a trip to Disney (w/o kids) and mother-fucking aesthetic adult BRACES!!"
I know I sound like a toddler when I say this, but this crap really IS NOT FAIR!! I worked hard then became sick, very sick for awhile and through it all, always took care of the girls, putting their needs over my own no matter what. I did what was expected of me and then some. I think of myself as a good person. I've always tried to help those around me, without ever expecting anything in return. But, here I am, stuck in this horrible situation caused by the cracks in our so-called 'system'.
Am I wrong to think American's on Medicare (the sick and elderly) deserve dental care??
... especially when they are far-too young to be toothless??
... especially when it is their genetic disease that has caused said potential molar-less situation??
Am I wrong to think the Child Support System should act faster and more severely when dealing with voluntarily-impoverished parents that purposefully avoid working legally to avoid paying for their responsibilities??
Do I dare think help should be provided for the people that have fallen into these cracks, like myself??
I'm really sorry for this long, uncharacteristically, negative and frankly bitchy post. I am just so freaking irate and feel so unbelievably hopeless. I, honestly, don't know what to do next, but figured getting it all off my chest and out to the world might be a good start.
Please, keep me and the girls in your prayers. Unfortunately, this situation affects them as well, which sucks the most. I am so tired of burdening them with my jacked-up health misfortune. They deserve better and dare I say, I think I do too? I guess, the silver-lining (b/c I really always try to find one), is that after all is said and done... we will come out stronger in the end... we always do.
If you know of anything that could potentially help me out of this crack and back onto level ground, please don't hesitate to share. I am open to any and all suggestions at this point!
Thank you for reading, listening and therefore supporting me.
Wish me, at the least, luck!?
~Stephanie
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